Barely Breathing

I know I could regret this.
I can barely breathe.
But life consists of so many different loops and turns.
It’s hard to tell a mistake from a lesson,
and a regret from a moment lived.
I still believe in us.
A belief that has filled my world with water.
Every chance life gets it pours a little more in.
When I turned 18 it was up to my waist,
and last night I looked around and it was up to my neck.

I can barely breathe.
And with 5 years in between
I can’t imagine how my body feels.
My fingers wrinkled and pale.
My heart pounding as I try to stay afloat.
Just wading in the water.
What am I waiting for?
I can barely breathe,
I wondered all night if this could be the worst decision ever,
but all I want is some relief.

When will the water stop pouring in?
I wonder,
and yet I still believe in us.
I do believe one day the rain will cease,
and there will be an incredible calm,
an indescribable peace.
But there is something in me that has wasted too much time
in longing.
When I’m barely breathing…

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