So much to lose.
Yet so much to gain.
The reality is I don’t know what I want. So my answer is always everything. I’m entirely consumed, completely unreasonable, and at times I feel senseless. Yet, as my face grazes a jaw bone that scratches my cheek I try everything in my power to hold on. Collecting every movement of warmth. Trying to clench onto every scent to stockpile into my memory. Who knows when I’ll feel this way again. So I hold on to that all pleasant yet greatly annoying scratch that excites me. It awakens a side of me that dares me to dream. It’s a promise that life isn’t about going to the gym at six thirty AM. Work at nine AM. School at 5:30PM. Eat by 7:30PM. Sleep by or between 10:00PM and 12:00AM. It’s a promise that I am not a robot. This is the promise you have given me. I am finding it here. Getting lost in my thoughts. Bringing purpose to my actions. Taking deep breaths, and tasting the world. Be still. I just ask that you allow me to be selfish and learn this lesson. I haven’t figured out if this has anything to do with you, but I know it has everything to do with me.