All I wanted

I wanted to be your secret hiding place. The refuge you could go to whenever you felt unsure of yourself. Your heart. The one you wear on your sleeve. The one you’ve placed a patch over so people wouldn’t notice. I wanted to catch every tear that fell from your face, but I didn’t know if it was too soon to be feeling the way that I was feeling. Your presence grabbed my heart swiftly and took it under its captivity, and all I could do was watch you and say I’m sorry. I’m sorry that life has handed you disappointment, and I’m sorry that you had to live  through moments that were worth dying for.  And I just wanted to tell you-that I could make it better from here on out, but the reality was I could only make pleasing attempts. I wanted to try my best. At the end of that warm night all I could fathom was how much I wanted to kiss your face. Your beautiful lips pressed together as you sleep. I could feel cold breezes coming down from your nostrils; cooling my cheek bones as your arms wrapped around my back clenching me tight to your chest. All I wanted was to watch your belly rise and fall as you dreamed. I dreamed of being next to you in your day dreams as I laid next you in your night ones. To hear the sounds of your heart unraveling with every moment we spent together. I loved when you would rest your chin in the palm of my hand, and I swore to myself I could see the entire universe at the center of your eyes. I wanted to peel back the layers of your personality one by one-with all the patience and gentleness my fingers could manage. As my fingers began to intertwine with yours I noticed my clench got tighter while yours became weaker. I wanted to do everything in my power to fix it. I really wanted to. I still do. To love you.

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