“Thank you, woman, who saw me brinking cool and blinking tears; opened her arms before she asked, “Do you want a hug?”; Her embrace only people with flesh can offer…”
It is so critical to have a support system in place when things are spiraling out of control in your life. I thank God for all of the beautiful women in my life that love me. Those of you that reach out to let me know you are thinking of me. Those of you that would meet me at my bed side in my weakest moments. Those of you who send me songs, and well wishes; poetry and sermons. It is for you that I write this blog. God sends angels to guide you and carry you through. I am honestly going through a very difficult time in my life, but I thank God I don’t have to go through it alone. In the height of my pain I ask, “Where do the hopeless/faithless go when their world is crashing down around them?” I’m so grateful to know God. I am so grateful to have family. I’m so grateful for time to reevaluate what I once knew and make adjustments. I’m so grateful that I can make up for the mistakes I have made. I’m grateful for the fresh start. The guilt is enough to make me want to hide under my bed for the rest of my life, but I’m grateful that I know better.
Please don’t be afraid to love someone that needs it. A year ago I felt trouble empathizing with anyone. I’m not sure if it came from numbness surrounding previous things I have been through, but I had trouble connecting. I couldn’t understand it because I felt like what I had been through surpassed their pain. “I got through it, so why can’t you?” I couldn’t understand their hurt because I felt like I had been through more. It’s amazing when God flips the script, and you’re in need of a hand, but his mercy is just as amazing when you see that hand reaching out to you. This experience is very humbling. I don’t know what else to say-All I know is that the reason I haven’t completely lost it is because of the constant support of my friends and faithfulness of God.
I always say “I can’t deal with another heartbreak”, but then I do, and I get through, and you read about it.
To: Irene, Jasmina, Trisha, Ashley, and all the women who have heard my story and loved me still.