“You made yourself a bed at the bottom of the blackest hole, and convinced yourself that it’s not the reason you don’t see the sun anymore.”
I originally wanted to make a post titled, “How to get over Heart Break”, and maybe one day I will. I decided not to because I didn’t feel like it would be a genuine post. I am healing, but I haven’t completely gotten over the end of my 9 year relationship. I want to provide sincere advice and empowerment to the women that read my posts, so at this time I’ll just let you follow my journey to healing. I also don’t want to turn this into a cry fest. I want to bring joy and sincere empowerment to my readers. As many of you have seen in my “LadyyLike” section there is a quote, “Maybe by telling you my story, you can better tell yours, which is the only way to get home, by which I mean to get free of us (Lit, Mary Karr).” I can only hope by telling you my story, you can better write yours. Mine is still being written, I don’t know where this journey will take me but I have come to realize three things that I will share.
“Everything will always be ok”
This is the most liberating and frustrating thing I have ever come to know. Days before my ex decided to end our relationship/friendship he sent me a text that read, “Everything will be ok”. I immediately became frustrated because I thought, “How can everything be ok if we are separating?!” The truth of the matter is, it will. We are currently in a chapter of our lives, but we have an entire book to write. This moment doesn’t completely define who we are. It doesn’t define our future. It only defines our present. Your past can only define your future if you let it. If you refuse to seek happiness. If you continue to stay bitter. Live in the space of “everything will ALWAYS be ok”. You can set yourself free. You are too beautiful, too intelligent, too witty to not be ok.
“I have to be fair to myself”
It starts with you. Forgive yourself. In the days following my break up. I tore myself apart. I blamed myself for everything. I had too many “should haves” and “could haves” to fit in my pockets. I had regrets. I still have regrets, but I am taking a step back and realizing that I’m not a bad person. There were so many things that I did wrong, but I can double that in the amount of things that I did right. I took a lot of bad advice from a lot of good people. I’m not a perfect person. None of us are. I am realizing, yes, there were a lot of things I could have done differently, but I had to be fair to myself first. Honestly, I still pray that we can resolve our issues, but I find comfort knowing I did all that I could. The hardest thing to talk myself out of these days is that I’m hard to love. The reality is I am not hard to love. It just wasn’t meant to be. Be fair to yourself. Forgive yourself. You are not hard to love.
“I would let anyone talk me out of my intuition”
I have about 3 people I turn to for advice. These 3 women are at completely different phases in life. I trust them because they know me, they have my best interest at heart, and they each have something different to offer. As you have read many times on this blog, it is absolutely necessary to have women you can trust to give you advice and guide you. The only thing I have to say is be extremely careful with who you decide to share your personal struggles with. Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it (Proverbs 4:23). Not everyone sincerely has your best interest at heart. Some people find peace in your struggles. One thing I dislike about many situations in my life is, “I would let anyone talk me out of my intuition”. It is good to follow the advice of others. It is good to get a second opinion on something, but at the end of the day remember that this is your life. You are the one that has to lay your head on your pillow at night and face God. Don’t let people talk you out of what you feel is right. I mostly use these 3 women for confirmation of what I already feel is true. I don’t use them to change my mind about anything. I use them for affirmation more than anything. In the past I have struggled with being true to what I feel. As I mentioned above I have taken a lot of bad advice from a lot of good people. Now I keep my numbers down. I am reluctant to share more than what is necessary. Remember 3 is a crowd. Stick with that magic number. Don’t let anyone talk you out of something that is strongly tugging at your heart. One gift God gave to women is our intuition. It is more valuable than gold.
Most people I know hate the rain. Even if it is a drizzle it can create chaos in our lives. Traffic is horrible. It ruins your hair. It is uncomfortable. It is inconvenient. Today I want you to remember the reason that God gives us rain. It creates beautiful flowers. It replenishes our oceans. It brings us water to drink, and brings life to the food we eat. It is necessary for every day life. While you are going through life’s daily struggles. I want you to remember all of the good things that come from the rain. Although our situations are difficult, inconvenient, and uncomfortable the rain won’t last forever. I stand strong in the belief that although the rain is here today. I will see beauty in my life that will be beyond anything I could ever describe. You will too.