Just for Today


Let me tell you a story about today. A story about where I am. I’ve been trying to find God in everything. Trying to get back all the things I’ve lost. I have peacock feathers for eyelashes, and skin as soft as petals. Those three words I’ve heard for the past month never seem to be enough to fill the empty crevices that are in my belly. “You are beautiful”. My eyes are shaped like almonds. Light brown in the summer light, but sometimes my heart is still icy, blue. The girl who is prolife but still prochose. I heal my heart by listening to poetry for hours at a time. And I cling on to God’s promises like the grip of a small child on her mother’s hand. All fear. All curiosity. The girl who locks her keys in her car trunk annually. At times I’m only barely breathing, but breathing for sure. I am kind to strangers. Careful around small fingers. I can be a monster to the people I love, but they forgive me every time. I thank Izsaiah for turning me into a woman, and his father for teaching me how to be grace under fire. I know every word to “Can’t Tell Me Nothing” by Kanye West and every run in “His Eye is on the Sparrow”, the Lauryn Hill version. I am walking irony. I still believe that love is so much bigger than you and I. That you can give your everything, and it still wouldn’t amount to your all. I am a woman with sexual desire, spiritual hunger, soulful thoughts, but I still don’t have anything figured out. My mind changes as the wind blows, so this is just for today.

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