Have you ever felt like someone kicked a soccer ball right into your stomach making you clench your fist through thin air, grasping onto your life as you become panicked for your next breath?
Has there ever been a time in your life when you felt like someone poured gasoline all over your back, lit a match right under your bottom, lighting your entire body on fire?
Have you ever been so heartbroken that you found yourself numb and speechless?
All three have applied to me. There was a time in my life when I felt like someone lit my ass on fire. It was right after my heart was broken into a million little pieces. I didn’t know who to talk to or where to even begin to pick up the pieces. I was in so much emotional pain that it quickly turned physical. I became speechless and mostly numb for the next few weeks. Only waking up to pee and shower. Nothing sparked my interest or inspired me to want to do anything. Until I woke up one morning feeling desperate and to be quite honest, dangerous. I was in so much pain that I could not deal with another day like the past few days. My mental health was at stake.
So that day I decided to do some research. I looked high and low for articles on break ups, how to get over a relationship, how to let go, etc. Unfortunately, at that time I couldn’t find anything that really helped me or pin pointed exactly what I was feeling. I really had to dig deep into my soul to pull me out of this rut. I finally emerged from darkness about 3 months later. Now, years later, thankfully, here are 5 great tips for you to read that helped me get through the toughest time of my life.
Accept that it’s over, and give yourself permission to cry
It’s over. This is the first stage of grief right? You can cry now. Actually just go ahead and scream. Give yourself permission and time to mourn. Don’t worry about the people who tell you you should be over it. They don’t get to be the judge of that. They don't get to tell you how you should feel or how this kind of pain should be displayed or manifested in your life. Click To TweetGive yourself as much time as you need to feel like shit and not care about shit. Be as angry as you want to be and cry as hard as you’d like.
Find things to do that are productive or create a new goal
I was in school when this happened to me. I became laser focused on my studies. I needed an escape from thinking and worrying, so I rechanneled that anxiety into something different. I felt empty most of the day. Mainly walking around like a zombie, but one thing I was very focused on was school. I slept all day and every waking moment I spent doing school work, studying, and reading. Needless to say I made straight A’s that semester, and finally felt like I had something to be proud of.
Whether it’s your work, school, or hobby. You can even get a part time job. Find something productive to focus on. It doesn’t have to be school like in my case. It can also be something fun like learning a new trade or mastering a hobby. That one thing you've always wanted to do, start it and KILL IT! Click To Tweet
…And then put it on Instagram so everyone knows you’re better off without them anyway 😉
Get a new wardrobe and get healthy
It’s time to go shopping. If you can afford to throw away that three year old shirt now is the time. Clean house. After all, so many things will remind you of your old relationship. Buying new clothes will help you feel like you have a fresh start. It makes you feel good about your appearance and overall comfort.
Another thing I focused on was my health. I naturally loss a few lbs because I wasn’t eating much during those days, but then I figured I might as well get healthy while I’m at it. I became very focused on what and how I ate. I ended up losing about 30lbs over time. My body felt the best it had ever felt in my adult life.
Read a book about overcoming something challenging or watch inspirational videos
I’m a reader. I read, When God Whispers Your Name, by Max Lucado and countless other books over and over again. Sometimes reading how someone has overcome a challenge can really help you get the courage and power to overcome your own. Click To TweetWatching someone rise out of the darkness can give you hope that it will all be over soon and you won’t spend the rest of your life feeling this way.
YouTube. It’s free. Use it. I YouTubed so many videos I think I reached the end of YouTube that year. I watched preachings, motivational speakers, and young people like me who weren’t talking about heartbreak but were doing their thing in their own field. It motivates me everyday to try harder and live my best life. I finally started seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.
Go on a trip
Sometimes a new scenery for a few days can help. I went to Atlanta one year after a bad break up. My best friend lived there at the time, and although I knew she worked most of the weekend I knew I needed to get away for a little while. I crashed at her apartment for a few days. Went to the pool. Drank wine. Watched “Save the Last Dance”. Read a lot.
When I returned home I was still feeling down, but I was feeling refreshed, renewed. Get some sunlight. Sleep in. Eat whatever you want. Take time to reflect. I needed those few days out of my element and away from everything. Sometimes we all need a reset button.
I wish I could remember the very first day I started feeling better. All I know is the moment I began to feel air in my lungs again was the moment I knew how strong I was. I knew that my mission was to help other women recognize their strengths as well.
I will leave you with one other important piece of advice. You have to want to get better in order to get better. Click To Tweet I know depression is real. I get it, but you have to physically force yourself to get out of your bed every single day. I was a zombie doing laps at the mall because I understood no matter how bad I felt I needed to have at least one social interaction per day to start feeling better. If you can get out of the house at least one time per day. You are already on the right foot.
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With so much love,