Relationship Goals to the Single’s Ministry

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My friends always joke about being in the “single’s ministry”. I laugh at their antics and remember my youth. On Sunday morning as the weekly meeting for the single’s ministry was announced I remember thinking to myself, “that is so sweet, a group of people that meet every week to get to know each other”. I had no idea what it meant to be single. I definitely did not know what it felt like or why there was an entire group dedicated to it.

I spent much of my high school years in a relationship with a man I adored. Needless to say, our relationship slowly dissolved over the years, and although I admired and celebrated my single friends for their independence and freedom nothing could have prepared me for the transition from #relationshipgoals to being inducted into the “single’s ministry”. There is no manual on transitioning from being in a relationship to being single and trying to find yourself again. Click To Tweet

Like many women, I fell into the same traps that newly single women fall to- men that have all intentions of enjoying your freedom without any commitment. I learned the ropes rather quickly, grabbing and owning my sexuality faster than I’d ever admit to anyone publicly. I don’t blame them for taking advantage of these vulnerabilities. I was so unsure of what I wanted and needed during these tough times. I had to learn quickly that this was not the way to find purpose and self-worth.

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Needless to say, I was constantly left wanting more than these short-term passion filled relationships. Click To Tweet I’ve never been short on friends, but after a vacation or a night on the town, I’d go home feeling incredibly lonely. I just couldn’t understand why I wasn’t adjusting. Maybe I missed the warm body I could lay next to regardless if we weren’t feeling each other. Maybe it was the need to be somebody’s somebody. In the age of social media, this is a must.

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Truthfully, after analyzing myself there were a few things I had to come to terms with.

1) I truly did not like my own company.
2) I didn’t like the deafening feeling of loss.
3) It wasn’t going to work, and he wasn’t coming back.

I realized that life was going on all around me, and I wasn’t paying attention to who I am at my core. There were a few steps I took that allowed me to own my single life. Here is what my journey taught me:

It took me a few years to learn what I needed to feel whole again. Click To Tweet

Analyze What You Enjoy

You know damn well you hate watching ESPN, so stop it. I am all for being supportive and compromising in a relationship, but once your partner is gone it’s the perfect time to ditch the things you hated to do together. This includes friends as well. Remember when you were forced to hang out with his friend’s girlfriend, yeah go ahead and break up with her too. (Unless you’ve actually created a friendship of course.)

You will really need to get yourself right before jumping into a new relationship. This will allow you to truly find someone who can fulfill your needs. There is no way to truly love someone else if you have not figured out what you love about yourself.

Healthy Sexual Relationships

If you’re gonna do it make sure it’s safe and fun. There is nothing wrong with fulfilling your natural human desires after a breakup. Who cares about what people think?? But there is nothing worse than leaving a bad relationship just to go into a long-term situationship.

Set boundaries early. Be honest about your feelings. Step away when you are unhappy or unfulfilled.

Be Comfortable in the Silence

When you had a partner, your phone may have been buzzing all day long. What will you do when your phone goes silent? Your friends are in relationships, maybe in school, have children, or busy jobs. The harsh reality is they won’t be able to entertain you all day. I would suggest getting a journal so that you can get comfortable with the silence. From my experiences, I learned to love and become a better person for myself. I learned to let go. Write it all out - your fears, your dreams, your intentions, and observations. Click To Tweet

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The transition won’t be a walk in the park, but there is no greater feeling than owning and loving your own company.

Welcome to the Single’s Ministry!

3 thoughts on “Relationship Goals to the Single’s Ministry

  1. Wow, You hit everything on the head. Getting out of your old Saturday routine from being in a relationship to those nights when you come home after a great night out with sister-friends and there is no one there! I was good at it but the loneliness def still hits and family/loved ones ask whats wrong why are you sad…and the above is everything I couldn’t put to words.

    1. Thanks for your comment! It took me so long to process the change and to actually be able to put my feelings into words. The journey is not easy. I hope you’re hanging in there. ❤️

  2. I completely feel like things are ok when I read your blogs. Thanks for the real you in your post. 💛

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