Image by Tumblr by Nicholle Kobi
I’ve spent most of my life on a journey to lose weight, have the perfect mate, and a house that feels like a home. The life I dreamed of didn’t quite happen as I imagined or wanted as you have read from my latest series, Lesson Learned. There are countless events that have transpired, some of these events happened to me while the others I’ve done to myself.
I used to reflect on the ways I have dishonored, betrayed, and smothered my better senses. There were days that I could feel that slow creeping of pity ride up my spine and invade my chest and throat. I spent years filled with loneliness, surrounded by people who genuinely loved me and people who I felt like served as extras in a biopic. I was chasing that dream of what I thought my life would be. Eventually, I thought, it would get right back on track. My years alone, although merciless, taught me the most significant lessons of love. The love that I made so readily available and gave away to everyone else. I was regularly left feeling drained and depleted because I never left an ounce of it for myself.
My life has taken a turn only within the last five years. I’ve found creative ways to pull myself up by my heartstrings and I’ve considered how beautiful it is to even have senses to smother. “It is both a gift and a curse to feel everything, so very deeply,” I’m sure you’ve heard. I’ve found peace in wholeheartedly loving the shit out of myself first. Excuse my language.
Sadly, I don’t have any advice to give or any manual to share this time around, but I’d like to share my own experience and reflect on the ways women of color are putting wellness and self-love at the forefront of our narrative these days.
Image via Tumblr by Nicholle Kobi
What is self-love?
“Connecting with yourself mentally and getting to know yourself internally.” -@pearlthestylist_
“Personal acknowledgement that I am flawed AND beautiful at the same time.” -@mariahcely
“Being okay with making others uncomfortable when making decisions that are best for you.” -@kaila.krazy.kool
“Doing everything you want to do even if it seems selfish.” – @lifeofagoddess.1111
“Being gentle with yourself when you experience something less than desirable.” -@kaila.krazy.kool
“Just enjoying your own company, without feeling the need to seek attention.”-@gneea
“Have you ever been alone, and truly enjoyed the comfort of your company? I’m talking about that, “I can’t wait to get in MY bed” feeling. I’m talking about the release you feel after taking your pants off from a long day of work. I’m talking about buying a new candle to smell, or trying an original recipe, buying a new house dress, and getting your hair washed after braids, or shedding dead weight. I’m talking about love. The love that you spend a lifetime giving away. Can you save just a little for yourself?” -@ladylauraco
Image via Tumblr by Nicholle Kobi
It has taken me years to achieve liberation and peace. I was fed up with myself, and had to let go of the idea that my life would one day make a turn to where I thought it would be. Loving yourself starts with you. Your body isn’t just merely a shell for your spirit and soul. Self-love isn’t just a concept to be thrown around to capitalize off of, but it is truly taking a look in the mirror and stripping yourself of the idea that your value comes from other people and other things. It is about being sick and tired of being sick and tired and loving who you truly are, wholeheartedly ALL BY YOURSELF.